


I Have Been Dreaming You've Been Dreaming About Me

by internetFionna, Ottsky



Series: By Your Hand [1]
Category: Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: Dark Knight | DRK (Final Fantasy XIV), F/F, Final Fantasy XIV: Shadowbringers Spoilers, Multiplicity/Plurality
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-02
Updated: 2020-07-02
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:41:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24963907
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/internetFionna/pseuds/internetFionna, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ottsky/pseuds/Ottsky
Summary: But fate's a cruel mistress, girl, the prettiest in the world.//Asemoko Tayochu grapples with leaving a quest unfinished.
Relationships: Esteem/Original Character(s), Original Character(s)/Original Character(s)
Series: By Your Hand [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1806796
Comments: 1
Kudos: 2





	I Have Been Dreaming You've Been Dreaming About Me

**Author's Note:**

> Contains spoilers for the Dark Knight questline, as well as the Shadowbringers 5.0 main scenario.

"Say my name. Say it. My _real_ name. _Our_ real name!"

Fray had been scaring Moko for a bit, frankly, but the state she left the Whitebrim Front in was horrifying.

"Come now, you _knew_ Fray was dead from the beginning, but you didn't care!"

The Au Ra's eyes widened a bit. She gripped her greatsword's hilt tighter, knuckles bare white under her gauntlets.

"You had a sword and a soul crystal. But what you _wanted_ was a mentor. A mentor with the _gifts_ and the knowledge. A dark knight who could guide you on the path─who you could aspire to become. A woman who was free to say and do the things you would not."

It was starting to dawn on Moko, but she refused to believe it. To believe it would be to open the floodgates to years of trauma she locked away.

"…Even now, you continue to deny it. Well. Deny me all you want. You cannot deny what we have done."

Oh gods.

"Have I not been good to you? Have I not given you everything I promised? Did I not help you to hear the whispers of our very soul!?"

_Oh gods._

"Open your eyes. Look. Do you see now? Do you _see_?" Fray removed her helmet, and Asemoko Tayochu was looking at herself.

* * *

Moko bolted awake in bed, dripping in a cold sweat, her chest heaving and her eyes darting around the room. She put her hand to her heart, breathing slowly and deeply to steady herself.

_Listen to our heartbeat…_

She shook her head a bit to dislodge the thought. She grabbed the necklace of her soul crystals off her nightstand, putting it on before slipping out of bed and making herself breakfast.

That day in Whitebrim was a recurring nightmare. She lost track of how many times it's woken her up months ago, not that she ever cared to keep count.

The soul crystals hanging from her necklace gently bumped against each other as she puttered around her kitchenette, making herself an omelette and toast. Dragoon, Black Mage, White Mage, Paladin. She could fill any role in a party with skill and ease, while passing as an average adventurer to those who haven't heard, felt, thought.

She dabbled, though. She was known by every artisanal guildmaster, and she mined, logged, and fished all of her own supplies. She had taken up every weapon, and had collected every soul crystal. Being a Warrior of Light meant that she was the only one carrying those soul crystals, alongside every other Warrior of Light.

Time and reality are weird for the Warrior of Light but, as far as the average adventurer knew, she was a lancer, thaumaturge, conjurer, gladiator.

She only took up being a Paladin after that day in Coerthas. There was a part of her that felt deeply satisfied and useful when she was keeping others from harm in a most direct fashion.

There was another part that felt the sword was too small. She ignored that part.

* * *

It took a while for Moko to realize that she wasn't the only Warrior of Light. She was always the sort to do things on her own and carry any burden herself. Primal-slayers don't need help, after all, and that attitude carried on even after she realized that she wasn't the only one carrying Hydaelyn's Blessing.

She never had friends.

Not until Holly.

Holly was the first Dark Knight Moko met that wasn't a corpse or an extension of herself. They met while liberating Ala Mhigo. For Holly, it was the first time. For Moko, it was the second. Holly clocked Moko when she moved through the crowds of Garlean soldiers with even more grace than The Azure Dragoon Herself should have.

After chasing Zenos off to the Royal Menagerie, Holly held Moko back by her shoulder. "You can Hear her, aye? You're Listening?"

Moko stared up at the Roegadyn and blinked.

"'Hear. Feel. Think.'"

"Oh. Yes, I am." Moko then went to walk off, but Holly jogged up and stopped her again.

"You're not good at meeting other Listeners, are you."

"I." Moko blinked, then looked to the side. "I've never had friends."

"That's a big thing you're asking me to believe," the Roegadyn huffed.

Moko blinked again, staring Holly dead in the eyes. "I'm the Warrior of Light. I am a weapon. My spear, my staves, my sword and shield, they don't have friends. Why should I?"

Holly rubbed her nose, under the bridge of her pince-nez. A deep breath in, a steady breath out. "Alright, very cute. After I go deal with Zenos, we're… going to go out. Somewhere. Maybe I'll take you to a bar."

* * *

Holly got Moko to loosen up.

A lot.

* * *

"We've been stressing out a lot about this, y'know?" Holly sat across from Moko in the Shiokaze Hostelry. Quiet places were hard to find in Kugane, but the brewhouse was constantly bustling, which gave the space its own kind of privacy. "All our friends passing out around us without us having any way to do anything about it."

"It'll be fine, I promise." Moko had lived this before. She always ran a bit ahead of the Roegadyn. "Who all is slumbering, for you?" The Au Ra poured some more hot water into her mug, steeping the teabag while she looked over at the Roegadyn.

Holly paused, and stared at Moko, before rubbing at her face, pinching her own face and pulling down past her jaw. "…You say this, and I'm suddenly very, very worried." A long, moment, staring off at nothing in particular as she shook her head. "Thancred, Urianger, Y'Shtola." A shaken head. "It's. Been a lot, for me, and for Alisaie. All of a sudden missing the older of the members of the Scions, but also… y'know, just. Having to go through everything we have so far and then suddenly having friends… collapse."

Moko gave a solemn nod before taking a drink of her tea. "Mm." She laid her free hand out on the table, palm-up, offering it to Holly to hold. "I promise it'll be okay. Everyone's fine. It's…" She chewed a bit on the inside of her cheek before the last word rolled off her lips with the practice of a Listener. "… _complicated_."

"Everything is so damn complicated. We're so tired of it being complicated. Just… Why can't we go back to the real simple 'whack the obvious villain,' again, that we were doing… before all this, political intrigue and the likes?" Holly grumbled, slumping forward. "We don't, really want that, but something's gonna give, and we don't want it to be me."

Moko was of two reactions. She decided to lead with the one that begat good news. "You'll have your wish soon enough, but the opo-opo's paw is going to curl shut." She then sat down her tea and leaned in close. "But let's set that aside for a moment. 'We'?"

Holly just kind of balked at that, before shaking her head. "I-It's nothing. It's…" She just kind of looks off to the side. Moko heard her mutter "shuddup" to herself, with an exacerbated puff of air. "...Maybe," barely audible, comes from Holly's direction.

Moko stood up from her side of the table and sat down next to Holly. She had to crane her neck to look up at her, but she rarely saw her closet friend in such fragile state, so she didn't mind. "...'You cannot continue to carry all these burdens', Holly," she said, the words echoing in her mind and leaving her mouth before she had a chance to think on them.

 _Stop it_ , she thought to herself.

"It's not a burden," Holly began, not noticing. "It's. It's not. This isn't...like that." She rubbed at her face. "Being a Dark Knight is complicated."

"In what way?" Bait, knowing the answer. Moko knew that Holly was a Dark Knight; a Listener wielding a greatsword almost as tall as themself always ended up being one. She had ignored what that meant about her friend, but that was no longer an option.

A pause. A moment of collection, and then a sigh. "When you wear a mask for long enough, and you bury things that you do not wish to speak about—" Holly took a breath. "—The things you bury become resentful. They demand to be heard. And then when you finally hear them, you realise that you have a fissure—a split, that does not mend."

"A mask..." Moko took Holly's hand and gave a gentle squeeze, rubbing her thumb along hers. Thoughts were surfacing that she was doing her best to ignore.

"You can become a mask you wear long enough, but the things you left behind are rarely dead, Asemoko. Oftentimes, they're just waiting for their chance to come back. And you should always do your best to be ready for them… Preferably in a way that accepts what you've created."

"Mm. I… I don't think there's any way to truly be ready. But you're right. The things you leave behind are… still there." Moko's eyes drifted down and away. "Unfortunately," she muttered with a low growl. Her hand slipped from Holly's and landed in her lap. She stared down at her palm. "I got rid of my mask a long time ago. It stayed in Yanxia, broken to pieces."

"Did you now? That sounds like a convenient time for that. And what happened to the mask, Moko?" A moment of pause as Holly obviously had more to say. "And what of the things behind it?"

"I…" Moko blinked, looking up at Holly briefly before looking away again. "…don't want to talk about it right now. How'd we turn this to me, anyway?" Her heart and mind raced, but she outwardly did her best to keep her composure. Listeners were skilled at deflection, both with unblessed adventurers and each other. A conversation between two was like watching spies converse.

The big Roegadyn couldn't help but laugh, just a little bit. "It's a neat trick, isn't it? Getting other people to talk. Like a maze around a fortress." A slight smile, humming coming from her mouth as she rubbed her own face. "We're just nervous."

"There's that 'we' again." The Au Ra scratched at her cheekscales a bit. "If it means anything… I highly doubt you could put me off with anything you want to tell me. You'll see what I've seen soon enough. I doubt you can be queerer than that."

"Yes, well." Holly stood up. "If you insist, I'd rather not do any explaining in public. The food and atmosphere here is too nice for me to start spilling big secrets. Is that fair?" She stretched, quietly, as if sitting down for so long had tightened her up.

"That's fair. I'll follow your lead, then." Moko stood up after her, tugging the hem of her tabard down to straighten it out.

Holly walked out into the cool evening air, and then made a purposeful but slow walk somewhere quiet, where she could hear the sound of the ocean, and where most folk wouldn't wander. Kugane was convenient for satiating her specific desires for the sounds of the waves. The darkness then swirled around her, them, and they rumbled, looking over at Moko with that distinct air, that very unmistakeable air. "We have made a compromise."

Moko's eyes went wide, nigh-unmistakable from her bright blue limbal rings. She did her best to not show her fear. She trusted Holly, a lot, more than she ever trusted anyone who wasn't herself, so she trusted that her Esteem won't do to her what her own did to the Durendaire soldiers. She made those small noises of someone trying to form any words.

"Now I know what you're thinking," the voice spoke. "Did she also do all those horrid things? Why would Holly, someone you trust, so much, be willing to compromise or work with someone like that, of all people?"

A huff. "Well, it's not easy to ignore yourself, now is it? At least, not without some duress to your own self."

"I… wh-what horrid things…?" Moko lied again. She wasn't sure if she'd get caught in the lie, but it was either that or have a public breakdown, or worse.

"Hmph." A grumble, and then a shift, the two of them seemingly mumbling to each other. "Colour me surprised, polymath. I figured you as the sort who picked up every last skillset you could."

Holly frayed at the edges, visible flickers as the two shared the same space, but couldn't quite split. It was like staring at a heat mirage, just made of dark aether. "I'm not sure it matters. Regardless. Hollow, Moko. Moko, Hollow."

"Or if you'd rather, Esteem."

"Th. There are. are. are." Moko didn't expect this level of calmness. Some of her fear has given way to confusion. She kept stammering.

"Questions you want to ask? Things you don't do? Boundaries you won't cross? Please, now, ah, Moko— Holly did believe you, after all…"

"Two of you," she finally spat out, hitting on a phrase that wouldn't give herself away. She blinked and shook her head, then took off her glasses to rub her face a bit. "Sorry. Um. It turns out I may've underestimated." She put her glasses back on and exhaled. _You've got this,_ she thought to herself. "But still not the queerest thing I've seen."

Holly cannot help but laugh a little bit. "I do believe that would be a bedroom with me and my wife…" A huff, and then a hand rubbing at the back of her neck.

"They say that we are one and we are two. It is simple as that."

Moko gave a solemn nod. "And this is." She cleared her throat. "Part of being a Dark Knight...?"

It was Holly's turn to obfuscate somewhat. "As far as I am aware it is the… defining moment of being a Dark Knight. Coming face to face with… your darkness, however you define that, manifested into… yourself, again. Having to… learn to love the things that make you whole, now that you've come apart, and can't control them anymore."

Moko exhaled heavily, stepping a bit closer. "Are you two able to... fully separate? Two bodies?" She quietly gulped before her next question. "And how do you... _handle_ being two?"

"…Not yet. I'm not… strong enough yet? I… I've tried, but you just get…" They moved their hand, and there was that distinct afterimage of pitch-black. "…I suppose the same way I have always. Stoic acceptance…"

"You're not going to get much humility out of her," Hollow said with a chuckle. Hearing such a calm laugh out of someone made up of such anger was disarming, to say the least. "When you stuff all of the things you feel make you weak, away… the person who wakes up is pragmatic, emotional, and the likes."

Moko reflected for a moment, and not one second longer, lest things start to go wrong. "Mm" was all she could reply with. There was a moment of quiet, before the Au Ra broke it. "...Can we go back inside? It's cold."

"That's fine. Would you like some soup? On me."

"Mmmm, yeah, I could go for some soup." She waited for Holly to go ahead so she could follow. She couldn't bare to have eyes on her, in this moment.

Holly walked towards the building once more, the aether swirling around them slowly dissipating. Now that Moko had seen it, though, it was impossible to miss the way that it clung to her frame like a dark corona, even when not obviously flickering and flaming. She couldn't help but stare. Her mind tried to race off with thoughts of this, but she kept them anchored.

She couldn't deal with this. Not now, and possibly not ever, as far as she was concerned.

* * *

"So this is your answer…"

The words came from the Au Ra's own lips,  
blood spilling over the greatsword buried in her chest,  
shoved there by the selfsame Au Ra.

"…If this is how it must be, then so be it."

* * *

The nightmares got more frequent, more visceral.

Moko never had her final communion with "Fray." As soon as she felled her shadow, she ran as hard and fast as she could. She went back to the safety of Fortemps Manor and the "familiar" "routine" of being the Scion's weapon.

She had basically forgotten until the nightmares, which started after saving the First and expelling all the Light stuck inside her. "Remember us," Emet-Selch had asked of her, Ardbert's axe visible through his lack of torso. "Remember that we lived."

_Listen to my voice…_

"…Gods dammit."

Moko never admitted to being quick on the uptake.

She dug the Dark Knight soul crystal out from her dresser and left her apartment. Night hung heavy in the Twelveswood. She teleported to Camp Dragonhead and made her way west.

She stood at the threshold to the Whitebrim Front. The Durendaire soldiers puttered around on their duties, unaware of the swirl of dark aether in the center of the camp. She quietly strode towards it. She started with confidence, hoping no one would interrupt her, but fear crept in with every step, and she begged for someone to point out that she ended the Dragonsong War.

But no one came, and she was face-to-face with the abyss.

_A house divided cannot stand, Asemoko._

"Indeed," she whispered to herself. She gripped the soul crystal in her hand and closed her eyes.

_Listen to my voice. Listen to our heartbeat. Listen…_

She tried to listen but, after so long shutting the thoughts away, it was genuinely difficult. There was a buzzing in her head but, with each passing moment, it faded, bit by bit.

_Know that when you tire of this charade, I shall be here… waiting to take the reins… You need only ask…_

The aether dissipated, but she felt no different.

She went home.


End file.
